Ode to the Man Hater

Christopher Hoffmann
4 min readAug 14, 2021

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I often meet women who are subtle man haters. It took a while to thin slice how I was able to pick-up on it. To finally settle on how man haters would “over-invest” in trying to build a relationship with me, as if to compensate for being intimidated by my free navigation and my focus on my primary purpose, which is the work I’m passionate about.

I suspect this inherited tactic of building a relationship “as soon as possible” is to be able to use it as a bargaining tool if I need some training (I thought we were in a relationship?).

Men like me who “have shit to do” can be very direct in what we want, and leave it up to a woman to respond if they’re interested. Once a woman has my attention, this level of directness, might include an offer of intimacy with very little relational framework, other than a vibe.

This self regulation on my part doesn’t need to be managed or defended against with all the historic structures women seem to need to keep them safe from their own fear of being taken advantage of, then hating men even more. I’m more of an idling bull dozer than a bucking bronco. The feeling for me sometimes is just as exhausting, as I’m removing the hooks placed in me by women and handing them back as fast as I can.

I suspect my calm clarity is very unnerving for women used to constantly being soft manipulated by “nice” men who look to “women” for validation. . . Oh the intoxication of seductive relational ovations as candy to feed into the coin slot of an emotionally starving man’s Juke-Box.

I know from experience (I used to do it too), this “need for validation” manipulation is a bully tactic with no other motivation than to “get a reaction from women”. It’s double cruel to set this need for validation inside sexuality.

Using sexual advances as a attention getting mechanism is common, because if anything goes wrong, men can blame the woman for initiating the interaction, sometimes by an accusation as simple as her dressing sexy. This neediness combined with some privilege, is at the core of workplace harassments or worse, rape culture.

What ever happened to the kind of flirting where it was all about sex, without it smothered by a power play. There’s a big difference between some guy at a club blurting out to a woman “nice tits”…

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